Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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