Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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