she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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