you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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