just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
