How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
