I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
