I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
