Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
