I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
