There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
