Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This baby is an asshole
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
