also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
