the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm always down for nudity.
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