my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
