Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
