that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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