She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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