I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
