i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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