Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
