just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
