this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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