There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
