I can tuck mytits in my pants
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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