Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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