hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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