bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
