we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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