Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
