I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
