So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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