I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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