I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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