Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
