There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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