ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
