I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
