Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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