Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
