I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
