Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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