I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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