We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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