Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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