I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
