theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
