And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
