so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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