Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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