Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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