I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
