Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
